The document below is a resource that I have used for years when working with an individual or family or small group that has experienced a loss. ANY loss can cause the physical and emotional reactions.
There are two keys as you read through the list: 1) the key word in the title is NORMAL. They are normal reactions by a normal person to an abnormal situation. 2) you will notice that the majority of each point starts with the word MAY - we are not trying to give you or anyone symptoms.
Normal Grief Responses
Most people who suffer a loss experience one or more of these Physical Reactions:
May feel tightness in the throat or heaviness in the chest
May have an empty feeling in their stomach and lose their appetite
May feel restless and look for activity but find it difficult to concentrate.
May feel as though the loss isn’t real, that it didn’t actually happen.
May sense the loved one’s presence, like finding themselves expecting the person to walk through the door at the usual time, hearing their voice, or seeing their face.
May wander aimlessly and forget and don’t finish things they’ve started to do.
May have an empty feeling in their stomach and lose their appetite
May feel restless and look for activity but find it difficult to concentrate.
May feel as though the loss isn’t real, that it didn’t actually happen.
May sense the loved one’s presence, like finding themselves expecting the person to walk through the door at the usual time, hearing their voice, or seeing their face.
May wander aimlessly and forget and don’t finish things they’ve started to do.
How Emotions and Physical Responses to Our Grief Will Manifest Themselves In Our Lives.
Shock/Denial:
Cannot or does not believe or accept what is happening.
May show no reaction.
May carry out daily routines as if nothing has changed.
May become silent, withdrawn.
May act silly.
May appear confused, trance like.
May refuse to eat.
May have trouble sleeping.
May pretend that nothing is different or that everything will go back to the way it used to be.
May refuse to talk about anything having to do with separation or loss.
May be unwilling or unable to plan for the future.
May create and exist in a fantasy in an attempt to deny the experience.
May have difficulty concentrating and following directions.
Anger:
May have strong negative feelings about what has occurred.
May run away.
May become physically ill, for example, vomiting, suffering extreme headaches.
May alter personal care habits, e.g., won’t wash, brush teeth, get dressed.
May become furious and express anger toward others by yelling, swearing, threatening, refusing to cooperate or plan.
May destroy possessions.
May blame others in an attempt to cope with own feelings of frustration.
May direct anger toward self by doing hurtful things such as seeking danger, drinking, using drugs.
Bargaining:
Does anything and everything to get back what is lost or taken away.
Promises to be good in unrealistic ways.
May make promises to God in hopes of having what was lost returned.
May try to downplay the seriousness of the situation.
Despair:
When active protesting and bargaining fail to heal the loss, may give up fighting.
May become listless, depressed, withdrawn.
May appear clam on the surface.
May lose appetite, suffer noticeable weight loss or gain.
School performance may suffer.
May give up hope of having any relationship.
May experience feelings of being worthless, empty, lonely.
May withdraw from other established relationships.
May have Episodes of confusion or bewilderment that become detrimental to individual welfare.
Detachment or Acceptance:
Mourning may be successfully completed as evidenced by:
The Ability to form new relationships
The Ability to accept new situations and endure frustration.
If mourning is not successfully completed, permanent detachment may result in:
Frequent episodes of hearing and seeing things that are not there.
Inability to become emotionally involved with other people, except at the most superficial level.
Ongoing depression.
Continued negative behavior.
Mistrust.
Self-medication.
Alcohol Abuse.
Eating disorders.
Promiscuity.
Overindulgence in positive behaviors.
In real life, the physical responses to grief and the emotions experienced, as well as the behaviors associated with each, may overlap. The amount of time each person spends in any one emotion or feeling, as well as the order in which they go through them, may vary, depending on the needs and circumstances of each individual person.
Things You Can Do To Help You Process Your Grief:
Light exercise.
Eat regular meals even if you keep them small.
Drink water instead of caffeinated drinks like coffee, tea and soda.
Find friends that you can share your experience, emotions and feelings without them trying to explain them away or tell you “you’re crazy.”
If you are a person of faith, be honest with God when you pray and ask Him to help you process your emotions. And feelings.